EXPERTS GIVE TIPS ON FACING THE CHALLENGE
The list of things to take care of is overwhelming for a woman who finds herself suddenly single. Should you buy or rent a home? How should you organize your life? What direction can you take your career? And if you’re thinking about remarrying, should you consider a prenuptial agreement? To help out with these questions, we sought advice from four female experts: a divorce attorney, a career consultant, a personal concierge and a real estate agent.
Ferrier Stillman, Partner, Tydings & Rosenberg LLP
If a woman has children from a prior marriage and/or has significant assets or income, it’s a very good idea to look into having a prenuptial agreement. If the children aren’t grown, she may make a provision in the prenup so that the children have rights to her estate instead of her second husband. In Maryland you cannot disinherit your spouse unless he or she agrees to it. If the wife dies and leaves everything to the kids [in her will], the husband can take part of the estate in spite of the will. Howard County offers a lot of support services for families going through divorce: co-parenting classes, mediators, custody evaluations, drug and alcohol and mental health screening. It’s a robust system of supportive family services, available through the Circuit Court of Howard County. Many of the services are offered free or on a sliding scale, depending on income.
Wendy Slaughter, ReMax Advantage Realty
Deciding whether to move depends on your situation. Do you have kids who need to stay in a certain school district or are they grown? If you plan to stay where you are, you might look into refinancing to reduce the mortgage payment and put the extra money into savings. There are many affordable options available depending on your credit situation. The advantage is you’re keeping the asset – the home – while maintaining a stable situation for the kids. If your credit is less than stellar, or you don’t have a credit history, reach out to a lender and ask how you can get that repaired. Also talk to a financial planner because there are ways to move money around so you may not have to move. If you determine that you can’t afford to stay in your current home, the next option is to sell it and rent for a few years or buy something smaller. Some women in this situation are paralyzed and don’t know who to reach out to. Real estate decisions shouldn’t be made alone. Who do you know who is a good financial planner or lender? People love helping others in these situations.
Beth Adams, Founder, My Girl Friday personal concierge
If money is going to be a problem, then address that first. If you haven’t been taking care of the finances, sit down with a friend or someone who can lend another set of eyes. When it comes to organizing the home, I believe in lists. Not a huge laundry list, but what do you have to do on this day. Let’s take a look, room by room, so everything isn’t overwhelming. Try to figure out what is most pressing. Do we have to move? And then go from there. If that’s the case, the next step might be hiring a realtor, finding a moving company.
Karen Vander Maas Walsh, Owner, KVW HR Solutions, LLC
When it comes to entering or changing careers at the time of divorce, my advice would depend on how much lead time you have. Do you need to hit the ground running or are there resources with which to build a solid career transition? If you need to find something right now, I would leverage social media. Put your updated information on Facebook and LinkedIn so you’re reaching as many people as you can. If you have some time, it’s a great opportunity to step back and evaluate your past work history and what you would like to do. Start talking to everyone you can – ask about the qualifications to get into the field you want. Take advantage of the career advisor at your local community college. You may need some tweaking or additional skills. If you have no savings and you have children, your best bet is to build on your strengths and past history. If you haven’t been in the workforce recently, when you are putting together a resume, highlight the things you have been doing. It can be the volunteer work through the PTA, with sporting clubs or places of worship – with any nonprofits you’re affiliated with. Going to a temp agency is a great way to get exposure and identify what’s going to work for you and what’s not. Also register with your local unemployment office. Often high-level jobs are recruited there.
