By Michelle Glassburn
Recently, I overheard a conversation between two preteens. They were discussing the “gotta have it” item of the moment … new basketball shoes. Not just any shoes – these green and orange babies ring in at $160! The conversation then went something like this … “So-and-so got the shoes last week. He’s so lucky.” “Yeah, he got them because his parents are divorced.” It’s well known that divorce often has a severe financial impact on a family. According to a 2006 Forbes article, a contested divorce is estimated to cost $15,000-30,000 for the process alone. Setting up two separatehouseholds adds to the bill. And, the potential tax implications if retirement accounts are raided can pack a hidden punch. It’s no wonder that so many women and children end up struggling to be self-sufficient after a split. It is not surprising that many divorced parents feel guilty for exposing their kids to this process. Children sense the stress between parents and are uneasy about their changing household – both the physical and emotional changes. And, all too often, parents use money to deal with the guilt. While their child may be momentarily thrilled about the new green and orange sneakers, the impact of these impulsive spending decisions can be devastating. Not only can these indulgences sabotage your own financial goals, but they can damage your child’s relationship with money. You may be unknowingly training your child to be a manipulative adult and creating issues with entitlement. Further, according to James Lehman of Empowering Parents, research suggests that children who are spoiled in this way may struggle with achievement later. So, what can you do to balance the financial and emotional challenges of divorce when it comes to money?
Here are a few tips:
- Decide on occasional little splurges, but set boundaries for day-to-day expenses.
- If you share custody, work with your ex to provide a consistent lifestyle between the two houses.
- Be a positive financial role model. Are you living a lifestyle you cannot afford? Are you using money to buy affection? If you do, your children will someday, too.
- Take care of yourself financially so that someday your kids won’t have to. This is the greatest gift you can give them.
- Work to have open discussions about money with your ex, but don’t engage in conflict while your kids are present.
- You cannot control the environment at your ex’s place, but stick to your rules at your house.
- Remember that spending quality time with your kids doesn’t have to cost money.
Kids love the little things you do together! Michelle Glassburn is former president of makingCHANGE, a Howard County-based nonprofit that offers financial education that empowers people to control their money … and change their lives. For information, visit makingchangecenter.org. Michelle welcomes questions from readers – about savvy spending, saving and investing. Powerful Purses Her Mind hosted a fundraiser in early June that raised more than $11,500 for the Business Women’s Network of Howard County and Blossoms of Hope, which benefits the Claudia Mayer Center at Howard County General Hospital. Forty special bags, stuffed with goodies, were sold during a silent auction, raising more than $4,000, and more than 1,000 gently used donated purses were spread through the Fretz Kitchen Showroom to be snatched up by savvy shoppers. Dana O’Sullivan of DellaBlooms & Gifts helped decorate while Carol Weil, The Decorating Therapist, helped with displays. The leftovers were donated to Success in Style. Tired of your handbag? Set it aside for next year’s Power of the Purse.
