LIVING ARRANGEMENTS
IN HOWARD COUNTY, OLDER ADULTS AND THEIR FAMILIES HAVE A WIDE RANGE OF CHOICES
STORY BY Mike Unger
The inevitability of aging — unpleasant for some, unquestionably better than the alternative for most — doesn’t scare Susan Polniaszek. She knows “what’s coming down the pike,” as she cheerfully puts it, and she’s not the least bit hesitant to deal with it. “It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when we’re going to need more care,” the 66-year-old Clarksville resident said. “The blackout we had [in July] really hit home when we were stranded here for three days in the heat. We just know we’re going to need more services. I believe in planning ahead.”
So Polniaszek and her husband, Ron, 76, are moving from their home on nine and a half wooded acres to Lutheran Village at Miller’s Grant, a continuing care
retirement community (CCRC) in Ellicott City. When it opens in two or three years it will be Howard County’s second CCRC, a self-contained independent living community in which access to assisted living and skilled nursing care also is available.
CCRCs are just one housing option for seniors as life presents them — and their adult children — with different challenges, needs and desires. While 15 percent of the county’s population is over the age of 55, 30 percent are baby boomers, according to the 2010 census.
“Although Howard County currently has one of the smallest percentages of older residents in the state, it is poised to have one of the most rapidly aging populations,” reads a report by the county’s Department of Planning and Zoning. “The single biggest factor impacting the degree to which the population will age is whether or not residents decide to age in place or move out of the county.”
Saundra Bates, 69, raised her family in Columbia’s Running Brook neighborhood. Her daughter, Rhonda Corkeron, bought the house from her when she returned from playing professional basketball overseas.
Among the things that conveyed to Rhonda and her husband, Michael, when they bought the house, was its former resident, Grandma B herself, as Saundra is affectionately known to her three grandchildren. The six now live together in the five-bedroom home, one big happy (most of the time) three-generational family.
“It’s worked out really well for us,” Corkeron says. “We redid the basement so mom has her own area. She’s great with the kids. It’s a tremendous feeling to know that my kids get to experience their grandmother every single day. Not a lot of kids have that.” Of course it isn’t perfect all the time: Sometimes Grandma B gets on the kids’ nerves, says Corkeron. But “that’s what grandmas do — she’s an extension of mom — but to be able to have this time with her has been fantastic.”
Bates is in good health and still works in the communications department at Howard County General Hospital. A people person, she finds her living arrangement refreshing.
“Independence is something I don’t think about because I’ve always been independent and with people,” she said. “I’m the oldest of six children, and I enjoy family. I am truly blessed to be in this loving home.” She doesn’t have a plan for any major changes, she says. “I will be there until the day that I die.”
Andre Barnett and her family were living in Chicago when in the early 2000s it became apparent that her mother, Christine Mack, needed a more stable living arrangement. She was staying with a caregiver and then in an assisted living facility before the family bought a house in Wilde Lake and added an in-law suite.
“It’s enabled me to have more involvement with her heath care,” Barnett says. “We were looking for a specific kind of house we could add onto in order to accommodate her and so she could have a little privacy and we could still have a little privacy.”
Mack’s first-floor living quarters include a bedroom with a bathroom modified for accessibility. It’s right around the corner from the kitchen. The Barnetts also added an office to their four-bedroom, two-story home.
“Mom’s not disabled, but we were trying to think in terms of what her needs might be in the future,” Andre explains. “We had the bathroom set up so it would be easy for her to enter the shower. There’s no tub. It’s a walk-in shower with a seat.”
Mack has health issues that require frequent doctors’ appointments. She goes to adult day care three times a week, but still cooks for herself, often eating an early dinner before her daughter gets home from work.
“One of the difficulties is watching a parent get old and seeing yourself get old as well, wondering how that’s going to play out as everybody gets old together,” Andre says. The solution, she believes, is also economical. It was expensive to pay a caregiver, and likewise, costs for assisted living can be high. The investment in the house is also an investment in the future: “The way the house exists now it can provide a place for us as we get old. It seemed to have more a long-term solution for our family.”
The plan was never for Carole Molesky’s mom, Mary Dorazio, to move into her Ellicott City home. But when Dorazio’s sister, whom she lived with, died last year, Molesky, her husband and their two children got another roommate.
Dorazio, 94, suffers from dementia, so Molesky hired Caring Companions to provide someone to stay with her for 12 to 15 hours per week. The company, which provides in-home services to the elderly and physically challenged, has about 10 clients in Howard County.
“Home can be wherever home is: an assisted living, a rehabilitation center, a private residence,” said Danilsa Marciniak, Caring Companions’ director of community relations. The company can assist with meals, personal hygiene, transportation, medication and any support services needed, including getting out and about. “We try to get to know them and engage them in activities even in a limited way, anything that makes their heart sing,” says Marciniak.
Molesky, who works part time, has found that in-home care works both financially and for her mom’s spirit. “It’s definitely less expensive than a nursing home, especially for the needs that I have,” she says. Independent living isn’t an option, but Molesky says her mother likes to be around family. “So I want to keep her at home as long as I possibly can.”
Home, for Barbara Fagan and her husband, Martin, has always been Columbia. They built their dream retirement house on three and a half acres in Highland.
“It was all on one level, and we thought we’d stay there forever,” Barbara recalls. But Martin was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, and as so often the case, reality interfered with their best laid plans. Two years ago they moved into Vantage House, a small CCRC in the county.
When her husband stopped working and couldn’t get around as much, Barbara says, “he was very isolated,” Barbara says. “We really felt we needed to make 
the move so he could have a little but more socialization.” The move was not an easy one, she admits, especially because they were leaving the beautiful house they loved. “But we just know it was the right move.”
But it has turned out well. Their days now are filled with lectures, films, physical fitness classes and other activities at the CCRC.
“We have a wonderful social life here and we’ve made wonderful friends,” Barbara, 77, says. And the peace of mind knowing they won’t have to move if Martin, 86, needs a higher level of care “means everything.”
“I like to have some security,” she says. “One of the things that bothered me the most is if something happened to me — I’m healthy, but you never know — my husband would have a lot of trouble living independently. Here, it would be possible.”
Preparation. It’s essential to ensure the golden years are indeed that, for both the elderly and their adult kids.
“It’s part of life,” said Polniaszek, who says she’d like to move to her new place in Miller’s Grant “tomorrow.”
“There’s nothing depressing,” about aging, she points out. “Everyone goes through it.” Polniaszek, like many older adults, wants to feel ready. “I have a saying,” she says: “‘Not to decide is to decide.’ I expect that I’ll live to be 90 to 100 years old. There’s no doubt in my mind. I want to make sure that I’m prepared for it.
