MEMBERS OF THE WEDDING
AN ANNIVERSARY VIDEO – MADE 50 YEARS AFTER THE FACT – HELPS GRANDKIDS CELEBRATE THE BIG DAY
STORY BY Heather Kirk-Davidoff
One of the things I have loved about being a parent is the contagion of my children’s passions. When my boys were little, they thought and talked about trains all day, every day. The more often I read through books detailing the history of steam engines or poring over maps of the New York City subway system, the more intrigued I became. I gladly traveled with them to the end of every commuter rail line, and our car trip to Scranton, Pa., to visit Steamtown, U.S.A. was actually my idea. My daughter’s interests have also led me to places I’d never thought I’d go – including the flagship American Girl Doll Store in Chicago. Implicit to my support of their interests, however, is the understanding that they will join me in the things I care about like church services and family holiday gatherings. Mostly my children participate in these activities without complaint. But then my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary came around.
There’s just no other way to put it: My kids weren’t excited about this event. It didn’t help that they remembered well my parents’ 45th anniversary celebration. That
year, my parents rented a house near Yellowstone National Park and invited my brothers and me and our families to come and join them for a week. We dropped hints all week long that my parents should celebrate every anniversary that way. They were clear, however, that this was a one-time opportunity. In five years, it was going to be payback time. That party would be on us.
As the anniversary approached, my mother became more and more excited – and my children became more and more apprehensive. It didn’t help that my mother had arranged to have a family photo taken at the event and decided that everyone would wear matching polo shirts and khaki pants for visual continuity. When I delivered this news to my sons, they stared at me for a moment. “You’re kidding, right?”
When my brothers and I divided up the tasks for the event, I agreed to be in charge of the program that would take place after dinner. I asked friends who are about my parents’ age for advice and everyone told me to get the grandkids involved. “How about a skit?” one friend suggested. “Could they all sing one of your parents’ favorite songs?” “What if they each played their musical instruments?” “Could one of them write a poem?” I brought up each idea to my kids and got the same response: “You’re kidding, right?”
By the time I arrived in Minnesota a few days before the party, I still did not have anything to offer. In desperation, I finally decided just to interview my parents on camera about their memories of their wedding. I decided to do the interview “Dating Game” style, separately interviewing each person and comparing their answers. At the very last minute, I was able to cajole my kids and their cousins into asking the questions.
Things started off a bit stilted. My niece asked about how my father proposed to my mother, and we were all surprised to hear that there wasn’t a proposal, just an “agreement” reached by both of them. No engagement ring, either, although my mother confessed that her father had not been pleased about that and had offered to get her an engagement ring himself.
But as they started talking about the wedding, both of my parents warmed up. “How nervous were you on a scale of 1-10?” another niece asked. “Ten!” my father exclaimed. “What is your favorite memory of the wedding ceremony?” my nephew asked my mom. “I was so nervous, my mind went completely blank,” my mom confessed. But my parents agreed about their favorite part of the wedding: the cake at the reception, made from scratch by my mom’s co-workers at the Girl Scouts. Each could describe the cake in perfect detail.
Soon, the kids tossed aside my prepared list of questions and started peppering my parents with questions of their own. “Oh, I’ve got a question,” my nephew said, jumping into the interviewer’s chair. “What song did you play for your first dance?” “We didn’t dance at our wedding, dear,” my mother explained. “We had punch and cake in the church hall after the ceremony.” “Really?” everyone asked. Suddenly my parent’s simple wedding seemed quirky and intriguing.
The video, needless to say, was a huge hit at the party. As predicted, everyone wanted to see and hear from the grandkids, and the video allowed them to shine without putting them on the spot in front of a room full of people they didn’t know. The camera allowed them to be directors and producers and not just actors in someone else’s show. But best of all, the video got the kids to celebrate my parents’ marriage along with everyone else.
